Forever Burn Read online

  “Yeah,” Ashton walked over to where I stood. He pointed to each person in the photo as he spoke, “That’s us, our older sister Amberly, and our mom.” He had a specific longing in his eyes, one that made me feel sad as well.

  “You guys look so young.”

  “Yeah, I think we were about twelve and thirteen when this was taken. It was shortly before our mom passed.” He didn’t take his eyes off the frame.

  I was surprised by Ashton’s answer. Axel hadn’t brought up his mom’s passing. It reminded me of how he had said at the restaurant that it was just him and his siblings, but it didn’t explain anything about his father. That puzzle piece was still missing. His father wasn’t even in the photo.

  I wanted to ask what happened with their parents, or at least with their mother, but I didn’t want to push the topic. I had just met Ashton five minutes prior, and I didn’t want to be the person that pried into his personal business.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s alright,” he said openly, trying to seem as if the subject didn’t faze him.

  I wondered why Axe had left such a big part of his life out. But then it dawned on me that I had done the same thing.

  Just then, the bathroom door opened, and a small amount of steam spiraled out, along with Axel. He had a towel tied around his waist, revealing more tattoos on his chest that I hadn’t yet seen, and as I had guessed on the night we met, his chiseled abs were the perfect addition to his muscular upper torso. I tried to force myself to look away, afraid that I would be caught staring. A bedroom door shut, making me grieve the missing sight of his beauty.

  Within a couple minutes, Axel reappeared from his bedroom, dressed in a vintage Rolling Stones t-shirt and black jeans. He walked down the hall, running his hand through his hair, grinning the second we made eye contact. “You’re here.”

  “I’m here,” I said. “Oh, um,” I gestured to Gi, “Axel, this is Gianna. Gianna, Axel.”

  They shook hands and then the boys led us over to the living room. Ashton made his way to the kitchen, taking bottles of whiskey and vodka out. “You guys want a drink?”

  Gianna and I looked at each other. “Yeah, alright,” she said to Ashton with a shrug.

  His smile looked similar to Axel’s, but I liked Axel’s more. “Shots?”

  “Fuck, yeah,” Axel answered in everyone’s honor, making his way off the couch and towards the kitchen. We followed him over. Gi and I each took a seat on the stools at the granite countertop.

  Ashton poured four shots of vodka and took juice out of the fridge. “Chasers for the ladies.”

  I glared at him. “Woah, woah, woah, you think I need a chaser?”

  “I mean… most girls take chasers,” he shrugged a shoulder.

  I had one hand on my full shot glass and gestured my open hand towards Ashton with the other. “Pour me one of whiskey. I’ll chase the vodka with the whiskey.”

  His eyebrows shot up, clearly doubting me. He abided to my request, then looked over at Gianna.

  She dropped her chin a little. “Yeah, well, I’m gonna need the chaser.” Ashton smirked and quickly winked in Gi’s direction, causing her to blush.

  When I looked over at Axel, his green eyes were softly eyeing me. I could tell he also doubted my drinking skills. I was only ninety-something pounds, but I sure as hell wasn’t a lightweight. The drinking genes ran in my family. I was constantly careful to make sure I didn’t drink too often, so that I avoided the alcoholic I was made to be. But even so, when I did drink, I could drink a shit load.

  We tapped our shot glasses together. I threw my vodka down, then immediately followed with the whiskey. Both boys looked at me intensely, impressed.

  “She really just shot those both down,” Axel announced, almost with a hint of pride in his voice.

  I looked directly at him, parting my glossed lips. “Wanna see me do it again?”

  He bit his lip for a quick second before releasing it. The sight sent a shiver down my spine, making me want to jump across the counter and plant a kiss right on his lips.

  Ashton poured me two more, and I downed them just as fast as the first two. “Damn Axe,” Ashton started, “your girl’s a badass.”

  For the first time, Axel was the one with the crimson in his cheeks. “Uh, not his girl,” I budded in, pushing my lips into a straight line.

  “But you wish you were,” Gianna muttered under her breath, so quietly that if I wasn’t sitting next to her, I most definitely wouldn’t have heard. I shot her a look. She was lucky that the boys didn’t hear her comment. I would’ve ripped her head off.

  Within the next hour and forty-five minutes, I had taken four more shots. I was already at eight, which is what I usually forced myself to max out at. I could still stand up without falling over, but my body felt a satisfying numbness. My drunken self tended to be overly flirty and touchy, but since I was still trying to limit myself to friendship with Axel, I did everything in my power to control myself.

  Gianna and Ashton were in the kitchen, laughing and flirting their brains out. They had been that way all night, being overly touchy and never leaving each other’s sides. She may have been drunk, but she beamed around him in a way that I had never seen her beam before. It was clear that they were interested in each other, but from knowing Axel’s fucked up lifestyle and his lack of commitment, I had no idea if Ashton was the same way.

  “Is that a balcony?” I asked, pointing to the blinds.

  “Yeah.” Axe’s head was resting on my shoulder as we sat on the couch. We had both been drinking, so I didn’t really think anything of it. I saw it as a meaningless and harmless, friendly gesture. “You can go look out there if you want.”

  I got up and opened the balcony door, stepping out. The wooden balcony was small, but their apartment was on the fourth floor, the highest floor of the building, so it overlooked the parking lot and part of Kalamazoo. It was already past eleven, so the lights of the city were all on, shining brightly.

  There was movement in the parking lot, so my drunken eyes tried to focus on the dark figure I saw walking around. The figure made its way into the light of a street lamp. Lucas? I furrowed my brows, confused. He didn’t live in this apartment building. What was he doing here? I watched him, trying to make sure my drunken self was identifying the mysterious person correctly. I could make out the shadow turn their head towards me for a moment, before turning the other way and walking rapidly out of the lot, disappearing into the dark of the night.

  I heard the balcony door open and disregarded the sketchy person as Axel stepped beside me. He stood so close that I could feel his warmth radiating off of him.

  “It’s really pretty out here,” I said, referring to the lights.

  “Yeah, it is,” he gazed at me before looking back out. “I’m really glad you came.” Axel got slightly closer, close enough to where I could smell the alcohol on his breath. My eyes dropped to his lips and I wanted so badly to connect them to mine, but I still tried to resist with everything inside of me. I thought about how it felt when he held me against him and kissed my neck the night we first danced. I secretly longed for that closeness again. There was no way I would initiate it, but if he had, then I didn’t think I would’ve had the self-control to stop him.

  “Me too.”

  He licked his lips lightly, beginning to move his mouth towards mine. He lingered closer and closer, slowly making his way towards my mouth. My eyes shut as Axel neared my lips, but before he could connect them, an engine roared. I jumped at the sound and peeked over, catching the sight of a white pick-up truck parked under one of the street lamps. The sight of the truck caused me to freeze. Oh no. He was here. The car looked nearly identical to his. He came back to ruin my life once again. He came back to rub his wedding ring in my face and to make me feel worthless, yet again. I couldn’t look away, no matter how much I wanted or needed to. My heart started to pound as my hands shook, all normal signs of a panic attack.

  Everything flashe
d through my mind once again. My body felt as it did during each moment that he degraded me, left me, and blamed me.

  I heard his voice. I saw his face.

  But only in my own head.

  I started to back up away from the balcony, tears filling my eyes.

  I had been emotionally abused and ruined. No, he never physically hit me, but with the amount of emotional, mental, and psychological damage that he caused, he might as well have. Other abuse victims had scars and bruises on their bodies, whereas mine were all mental. And I had all the ongoing symptoms to prove it.

  My chest expanded in unhealthy amounts, causing it to become hard to breathe. I didn’t know what to do. My mind wasn’t in my body. It was elsewhere.

  I felt Axel’s hand grab mine and immediately, I snapped out of it. “Tate,” he said, with a genuinely worried sounding tone, “are you okay?”

  I glanced back at the parking lot. The truck was gone. “Yeah… yeah I’m okay.” My breathing was still heavy, but Axel’s eyes on mine caused each breath to become easier.

  “Are you sure?”

  I nodded, swallowing, “Yeah, I’m, um, I’m… I’m okay.” A small tear escaped my eye, rushing down my cheek.

  He pulled me into him, hugging me tight. I nuzzled my cheek against his chest, feeling his warmth as he rested his chin on top of my head.

  “You wanna go take another shot?” Axel offered.

  I nodded against his chest, and he led me inside, never letting go of my hand.

  Chapter Four

  The Hangover

  When I awoke the next morning, I was wrapped up in blankets. I observed the posters of old rock bands that were scattered across the gray walls of the room, until it dawned on me that I was in Axel’s bed.

  Oh, fuck.

  Hysteria rushed through me as I tried to remember the ending of the night before. I couldn’t remember much after Axel and I had come back inside from our almost kiss on the balcony. I immediately flipped over, relieved to see that the other half of the bed was empty. My hands rubbed over my eyes as I could feel a massive headache beginning to come on. My stomach pulsed with tightness. Hangovers sucked.

  I slowly climbed out of the bed, as fast as my hungover body would let me. I was in one of Axel’s t-shirts that glided all the way down to above my knees, but I was only wearing a thong underneath, no pants. I skimmed the room for my clothes, but when I couldn’t find them, I slowly made my way out of the room and tiptoed down the hall. The apartment was silent. Where was everybody?

  Axel was laying on the couch, sound asleep. I stood there for a minute, studying the way his bare chest peacefully rose and fell. The large dragonfly tattoo on his stomach expanded with each breath, and as much as I hated to admit it, I wished I was lying next to him.

  His eyes fluttered open. “Watching me sleep, weirdo?” he said playfully. His groggy, raspy morning voice wasn’t helping my urge to go cuddle up next to him.

  I was embarrassed that I had been caught admiring him. “No, I—I just got up,” I responded with my head down, trying to cover up what we both already knew. As I looked down at the t-shirt, sudden realization washed over me that someone had to have undressed me in order to redress me. I got kind of mad at the thought of Axel undressing me without my conscious permission. “Did you put this on me?” I sounded a little meaner than intended, but it was for good reason.

  Axel sat up, stretching his arms above his head as he did. He inspected me for a quick second before answering my question. “Nah, Gianna did.”

  My anger subsided with his response, allowing me to relax. “So… we didn’t…”

  “No,” he pulled his eyebrows together, “of course not. I would never do anything with you if you weren’t in the right state of mind.”

  I was happy to hear that at least he was respectful. I had worried that Axel had taken advantage of me while I was blackout drunk, but the more I was around him, the less of an asshole he seemed to be, which made him even more dangerous.

  “Okay, good. Where’s Gianna and Ash?” I crossed my arms from the cold of the living room. Slight embarrassment overcame me as I realized I was standing in Axel’s living room, talking to him with no pants on.

  “They each had class, so I’m pretty sure they both left.”

  “Left?” My eyes widened for two different reasons. The first being the fact that Gianna had left me here unannounced and the second being that I had class today too. Shit. I forgot.

  I picked up my phone that was on the kitchen counter.

  My eyes bulged as I checked the time. It was already half passed noon.

  “I have class in an hour.”

  “I can drive you if you want.”

  I slowly nodded, closing my eyes and bringing my hand back up to my throbbing head. I winced at the feeling, my body so tired from the amount of alcohol I had doused myself in the night before.

  Axe noticed I was in pain and clearly knew why. He treaded to the fridge, taking out a bottle of water and handing it to me. “Thank you,” I said as I gladly took it.

  “You should eat too. Do you want me to make you some breakfast?”

  His offer took me by surprise. As far as I was aware, Axel Burne did not make breakfast for girls that slept at his house, whether they slept with him or not. He was the douchebag that would kick them out the second they woke up, or even worse, the second they were done doing their deed.

  “That’s okay, I can just get something after class.”

  He stood on the opposite side of the counter from me and pressed his palms into the countertop. His muscles bulged as he did. It was nearly impossible not to examine every inch of his bare torso, but I somehow managed the strength to not stare. No wonder why girls were constantly all over him. If I wasn’t so fucked up in the head and afraid of everything the world threw at me, I would be all over him too. But I didn’t have a healthy state of mind to go for each and every guy my eyes were interested in. That’s what I had done before, and that’s exactly how I had ended up where I had.

  “No, really, it’s okay. What do you want? Pancakes?” He pulled out a pan from one of the cabinets, glancing at me as he did.

  My mouth turned up a tiny bit on one side. “Could you put chocolate chips in them?”

  A grin came across his face as he winked. “Hell yeah, I can.”

  After eating some of the best chocolate chip pancakes of my life, I dreaded going to class. I felt better than I had when I first woke up, but I still didn’t feel good enough to go. After changing back into my clothes, I walked out of Axel’s room, still a little pissed about Gianna leaving me here, especially when she knew that I had class today too. But on the bright side, I got pancakes and she didn’t, so I guess it was alright.

  “Are you really sure you wanna go to class?” Axel asked, grabbing his keys off the counter.

  The truth was that I didn’t want to go. And I could tell he didn’t want me to go either.

  “Well, what are we gonna do if I don’t?”

  He stood there thinking for a moment, then a smile crept onto his face. “I know the perfect place to cure a hangover. C’mon, let’s go.”

  The second I heard coins, children’s laughter, and video games, I was immediately confused. I followed Axe through the front as my eyebrows pulled all the way in.

  “An arcade?” I asked, eyeing him.

  “Hell yeah,” he responded.

  “You think an arcade is going to fix my hangover?”

  Axe shrugged. “Fixes mine.”

  I looked away as I rolled my eyes, wondering how on earth an arcade could fix a hangover. I brought my hands up and smacked them down by my sides. “Axe, I don’t have money to be spending here.”

  “I’ll pay for you.”

  “No.”

  “It’s fine,” he insisted. “After all, I’m the one who encouraged you to get so drunk last night.”

  I crossed my arms, throwing a small tantrum that this was what I was missing class for, but at the same time, I
guess I didn’t mind.

  Axe led me over to a machine to get tokens to use. He pulled out his wallet, revealing a wad of cash and slipped two twenties into the machine. I hadn’t known Axe long, but it seemed like he always had money.

  I kept messing with my hair, moving it from one side to the other. I contemplated throwing it up into a messy bun or ponytail, but I was too indecisive to choose. I was tired and hungover, and by the look of my face and messy hair, it showed.

  Axe studied me, lifting an eyebrow. “Stop it. You look fine.”

  “Yeah, if you think circus clowns look fine.”

  “Maybe I like circus clowns.”

  “Says the one afraid of turtles.”

  “Only the ones that bite you,” he smirked as he handed me a dixie cup filled with coins. “I’ll play you in skee-ball,” he said.

  “You’re on.”

  We treaded past a small group of kids, making me feel slightly out of place as we made our way over to skee-ball. I placed my cup of coins on the ledge, my eyes trailing up to meet Axe’s, which were already looking at me. He raised a brow, waiting for me to speak first.

  “You first, princess,” I said, motioning to the machine.

  He rubbed his chin as he chuckled, picking up a token and sliding it in to the coin slot.

  I took a step back so that he had room to play, furrowing my brows as he missed his target, time and time again.

  “You suck,” I said with my arms crossed.

  He threw his last ball, before turning his curly-haired head to me. “Think you could do better?”

  “Yes. One-hundred percent.”

  “Alright, Miss. Know-It-All. Prove it then.”

  “Step aside,” I said as I placed my small hand on his bicep and playfully pushed him out of the way, pretending that the bulge of his muscle didn’t faze me.

  I rolled each ball carefully, trying my best to make it into the holes with the higher points, considering how shitty my aim was. But even with my bad aim, I still managed to beat Axe’s score.

  I happily raised a brow at him, delighted by my own performance.