Forever Burn Read online

  “I’m Tatum,” I responded, disoriented.

  Olivia smirked a bitchy smirk. “So, Tatum, is it true that you’re dating Axel Burne?”

  I brought my chin down as I glared at her, shifting around in my seat. Why were these girls so interested to know about Axel and me? And how did they have the nerve to ask me about it when they’ve never talked to me before?

  “Um,” I got defensive, “well I wouldn’t really necessarily say dating, but why is it any of your business anyways?”

  “Oh, so you’re just fuck buddies then?”

  “No. We haven’t even—”

  “Wait… you haven’t slept with Axel yet?”

  I wanted to pull the redhead’s hair out. I didn’t want to keep discussing this with them, but all my shit was scattered across the table and I wasn’t about to pack up all my things and leave just for the sake of escaping them.

  I moved my attention back towards my homework, hoping that if I ignored them long enough, they’d just leave.

  “Well we just want you to know,” Olivia began again, throwing her long, white painted fingernails on the table, “that Axel did to all of us the same thing he’s currently doing to you. And the same thing he has done to half of the female population at Western, which is use you and then dump you. He likes the chase, but once he gets what he wants, he leaves.”

  “Well thanks for the concern, but I think I can handle myself.”

  The blondes glanced at each other before looking back at me. They hadn’t spoken the entire time they were here. What was the point of them even being here if they weren’t going to say anything?

  There was something about Olivia that I didn’t quite like, but I couldn’t entirely put my finger on it. I wasn’t sure if she was genuinely concerned for me or if she had other motives.

  Olivia shrugged. “Suit yourself. But once he’s screwed you over, let me know. I’ll add you to the group chat,” she said, standing up.

  “Group chat?” I asked, curiously. All three of them nodded. “And…how many girls are in the group chat? If you don’t mind me asking.”

  Olivia picked up the textbook that she had thrown on the table. “Eighteen, but those are just the girls in our grade alone. See ya around.”

  The three of them walked away, leaving me left with nothing but my sky-rocketing anxiety.

  I tried to forget about my encounter with Olivia and the blondes. As concerned as I actually was about it, I had bigger, current issues to deal with first. A phone call with my mother.

  I dialed her number, pacing slowly back and forth in my room.

  “Hi Tate!” My mom cried out.

  “Hi Mom,” I responded.

  “How are you, sweetie?”

  “I’m good. How’s everything at home?” I tried to play it off as if the semester had been uneventful so far, when everyone here knew that it absolutely was not. But my mom didn’t need to know that.

  “Everything is good. We’re excited to see you over break!”

  I cowered at her reply. I didn’t know how to break it to her that I didn’t want to go home.

  “Mom, about that… I don’t know if going home right now is the best option for me. I’ve been doing better over the past few weeks controlling my flashbacks and I’m afraid that going home will make them come back stronger.”

  She sighed on the other end of the phone. “Tatum, honey, listen. I know that you’re still a little hung up on Connor or whatever—”

  “What?” I snapped. “Hung up on him? Are you serious?”

  “Well, honey, I just think—”

  “No,” I cut her off again, “you think I choose to live like this? You think I want this to still control my life? You and Dad have never fully understood any of it and I hate that I keep having this same conversation with you guys over and over again.”

  Her voice remained calm, but it wasn’t enough to keep my tears from falling down my cheeks. “Tatum, I just think you may be overreacting just a little bit. C’mon honey, just come home for Thanksgiving.”

  I pulled at my hair, frustrated that my family didn’t understand. My sisters were the only ones that sympathized, but even they didn’t fully understand either.

  “I’m staying here,” my voice quivered. “Sorry, Mom.” I hung up the phone, setting it down on my desk.

  The worst part wasn’t that my family didn’t understand my disorder, but it was the fact that they didn’t even try to understand it. People in general just didn’t understand, which was why I never talked about it.

  Not only was the emotional abuse a major factor in the development of my disorder, but the situation had been unexpected. I was unprepared to be caught in the middle of Connor and Nicole, unprepared to be an option to him, unprepared to be his personal puppet, and especially unprepared for the way things ended. I couldn’t prevent his narcissism. I couldn’t prevent his actions. I couldn’t prevent their marriage. Everything had been out of my control.

  Trauma wasn’t just classified as physical situations where your life was at risk. Trauma was simply stress run amuck, stress out of control, whether if that stress was physical, psychological, or emotional. Whether if that stress was within one situation, or a long-term one. People were put under stress all the time, but the difference was that their brains went back to normal after a while, whereas mine never did. My brain had been scientifically and chemically changed after the stress and emotional trauma. Damaged. Maybe it would’ve gone back to normal if I had had a solid support system after the damage, but I had been on my own. I had people around me that did care about me, but nobody took into account the severity of the situation. Everyone overlooked it, completely unaware of the damage it caused and was continuing to cause. All everyone else saw was a sad breakup, nothing more.

  I climbed into bed and cried for a while, upset that my family didn’t understand what I was struggling with, but also saddened with the reality that I wouldn’t be spending Thanksgiving with my family.

  Once again, I was shedding more tears. And once again, it was all Connor’s fault.

  I awoke several hours later to a knocking on my door. I pulled myself out of bed, groaning as I shuffled across the floor.

  Axe stood, looking concerned.

  “Hey,” I yawned.

  “Hey,” he walked in. “Are you okay? I’ve been worried.”

  I checked the clock on my desk, realizing that I had missed my dinner plans with Axel.

  I rubbed my forehead, my tired eyes fighting to stay open. “Oh, damnit, I’m so sorry Axe. I guess I was just so upset after getting off the phone with my Mom that I fell asleep.”

  He pulled his eyebrows in. “Why were you upset?” he worried.

  I pushed my hair onto one side, sighing. “She just… doesn’t really understand anything. My dad doesn’t either. So, I don’t really think I’ll be going home for Thanksgiving.” I gazed down, inspecting the floor.

  He placed his hands gently on my hips. “Hey, don’t worry. Ash and I go to my sister’s every year for Thanksgiving. You’re more than welcome to come with. I’d be happy if you came.”

  I looked up at him and gave a small smile, falling into his arms for a hug as he buried his head into my messy hair.

  I pulled away after a minute. “I’m sorry I missed our plans,” I said, rubbing my eyes.

  Axe moved my hair out of my face. “It’s okay, babe.” That was the first time Axe had called me anything other than Tate. Butterflies floated throughout me at the sound. “I was just worried when you weren’t answering.”

  I packed my bag, preparing to go to Axel’s sister’s house for Thanksgiving. Penelope had already left to go home for break, and Gianna and Claire were about to leave as well.

  “Hey, girl!” Claire strode in, followed by Gi.

  “Hey,” I threw more clothes into the bag.

  “Honestly Tate, I’m freaking jealous that you’re spending break with the boys and Amberly. I wanna meet her!”

  I was truly excited to me
et Amberly, but at the same time that Gi was jealous of me, I was jealous of her. They were going home to spend Thanksgiving with their own families and although it was technically my own choice not to, I only did it because it was what I needed, not wanted. If Wilmot wasn’t full of such negatively unforgettable memories, I would be back there in a heartbeat. I dreaded seeing all the pictures that Claire and Gi would post over the break, a little spike of both anguish and envy in my veins.

  “I’m sure you’ll meet her eventually,” I said.

  Gi sighed. “Yeah, I know, but still.”

  “So, Tate, how are you feeling?” Claire asked.

  “About meeting Amberly? Kind of nervous, not gonna lie.”

  “I meant about Axel,” she said, sitting down in Penelope’s desk chair.

  “We all know she’s got a fat crush on him, Claire. No point in even asking,” Gi chimed in.

  My mouth fell open. “I do not.”

  “Yes, you do,” they said in unison.

  “Do not,” I repeated, stuffing more clothes into my bag.

  “She’s still in denial,” Gianna said.

  “I mean,” Claire started, “I’m still not a big fan of him, but I’ll give it to you, he is hot as shit.”

  “Claire! You have your own boyfriend,” Gi shamed her.

  Claire shrugged. “You want me to lie?” she said to her cousin, before shifting her attention back to me. “Well, are you gonna seal the deal and sleep with him over break or what?” Claire eagerly asked.

  I shot her a disapproving look. “Really?”

  “It was just a question. No need for attitude,” she said. I rolled my eyes. “So, are you gonna or what?”

  “Claire,” I warned.

  “What! I wanna know if he’s actually as good as everyone says he is.”

  I shook my head, turning towards Gianna to change the subject. “Do you remember how much older Amberly is than the boys?”

  Gi thought to herself for a moment. “I’m pretty sure Ash said she’s four years older than him, so that would make her twenty-four, I believe?”

  I nodded, thinking about their troubled childhood again. Axel was around thirteen when their mom was killed, which meant Amberly was eighteen at the time. She had taken care of the boys afterwards, being their primary caregiver. Her youth, independence, and the supposed ‘best times of her life’ were taken from her, due to the fact that she basically had to become a mother to her younger brothers.

  “Okay, well, we just wanted to come stop by to see you before we left,” Claire graciously stated. “But if you get some action, you better text us in the chat asap.”

  I rolled my eyes, going in to hug the both of them. “Drive safe. Let me know when you get home, okay? Love you guys,” I said, right before they walked out.

  I finished packing and then relaxed on the futon, contemplating how meeting Amberly would go as I waited for Axe to come pick me up. I didn’t know what she would think of me and after hearing what Olivia and the blondes said, I was curious as to how many other girls Axel had taken to meet Amberly.

  The conversation with the redhead had been stuck in my head for the past few days, eating me alive with fear and curiosity. But no matter how much it was bothering me, I still hadn’t mentioned it to Axe yet. There was too much currently going on with Thanksgiving, which was why I didn’t want to bring it up. Not only that, but I was also scared to hear what he would say. The thought of him leaving kept recurring and I was unsure if bringing up the redhead would cause him to become annoyed with me and leave as a result.

  Ash sat in the back so that I could be in the passenger seat while Axel drove. Amberly lived about a half hour from campus and as we got closer to our destination, my apprehension was rising.

  I remained quiet in the car, a million thoughts running through my head. How many girls had Axel actually slept with and was he truly just interested in the chase? What if Amberly didn’t like me? And what did it honestly mean that he was taking me here? Was he going to try to sleep with me soon? Was he going to leave if I slept with him? Was he going to leave if I didn’t sleep with him?

  I picked at my fingernails, breathing heavily. I didn’t trust the world. And with each second that passed, I didn’t trust Axel more and more. Axe hadn’t done anything specific to wreck my trust with him, besides the whole Brooke situation, but other than that, it was just my own paranoia that was pushing me over the edge.

  Axe pulled into the parking lot of a gas station. “You brought your fake right?” he turned to Ash.

  “Well, no shit,” Ash replied.

  Axe rolled his eyes, pulling out his wallet. He handed Ash two twenties. “Do you want anything, Tate?” Axe asked.

  “I’m okay.”

  His soft eyes pulled another twenty out. “Here, Ash. Get Tate some of those fruity drinks. She likes those. Amberly probably wants what she usually does. And don’t forget my beer.”

  “Got it,” Ash said, opening his door.

  I waited until Ash was entirely inside to speak. “Hey, Axe?”

  “Yeah, babe?”

  More butterflies.

  “How come you always have so much money?” I had been wondering about it since the first time he had taken me out. He always paid for everything, from dinner to the arcade to my necklace. As far as I knew, Axe didn’t have a job, so I had no idea how his wallet was always full.

  “Well, my mom left a lot of money to each of us. And after her trial, the state gave us money too. They gave me the most since I endured the most trauma.”

  His explanation finally caused everything to make sense. I was saddened each time he brought his mom up, but I was also slightly relieved that the money came from a true source and not from selling illegal drugs or any shit like that.

  I nodded, glancing back out the window.

  “Are you okay?” Axe asked.

  “Hmm?” I turned back towards him.

  “Are you okay? You seem a little quiet.”

  “Oh… yeah, I’m fine.”

  “You sure? I know when something’s brewing up in that noggin of yours. You always get a certain look on your face.”

  I tilted my head, bringing my brows in. “What look?”

  “That look,” he identified, pointing to me.

  “I’m fine,” I giggled.

  Axe glanced out the windshield for a second, looking for any sign of Ash, but turned back towards me when he didn’t find one. “Look, I know this isn’t exactly the ideal Thanksgiving that you wanted, but I want to make sure you’re okay and that you still have a good time.”

  I gave a tiny grin. “I promise, I’m fine,” I assured him. “Just a little nervous, that’s all.”

  “Why?”

  “I haven’t met your sister before.”

  “Don’t be nervous. She’ll love you,” he waved it off.

  I leaned over and kissed his cheek. The second I pulled away, he grabbed my face between his warm hands and planted a kiss directly on my mouth. His lips lingered there until Ash opened the car door.

  “No PDA allowed,” he joked, holding numerous bags of liquor as he slid into the backseat. I blushed, embarrassed that we had once again been caught by Ash.

  Axel sighed. “Shut up, douchebag. Did you get everything?”

  “Yes, now drive.”

  After another five minutes of driving, we pulled into a driveway. The house looked really nice on the outside, with a two-car garage and a stone pathway leading up to the front door. It was an obviously newer and larger house and I wondered if Amberly lived there by herself.

  A slim, beautiful woman opened the door. She was only a few inches taller than me, which meant the boys towered over her as well. Her dusty blonde hair fell in waves slightly past her small-framed shoulders and her bright white smile radiated all the way to the sun. I noticed right away that her eyes matched Ashton’s brown ones, meaning that Axel was the only one out of the three siblings that had green eyes. I liked that.

  “Little brothers!”
she called, loud and proud, pulling them each in for a hug. Her attention stopped on me. “And you must be Tatum.”

  “Yes, hi, it’s so nice to meet you,” I smiled.

  “Same to you.” She gave me a light, motherly squeeze. “Come in guys! Come in!”

  The inside of the house was even nicer than the outside. The wooden floors were shiny clean, so clean that it was impossible not to notice. I didn’t know what Amberly did for a living, but it must’ve paid well combined with the amount of money their mom left her. The same framed photo of Amberly, the boys, and their mom was hung up on the wall, giving me a disheartened feeling again, but I didn’t allow it to show on my face.

  We were planning on spending tonight and tomorrow night here, since tomorrow was Thanksgiving. I wasn’t sure what exactly I would do for the rest of the weekend when we got back to campus, but I assumed Axel would offer for me to stay with him. My mind tugged back and forth between wanting to spend the entire break with him and wanting to spend the rest alone once we got back.

  “Where’s Drew at?” Axe asked.

  “He went to go pick up the pizza. He should be back any minute.” Amberly walked into the living room, signaling for us to follow.

  “Pizza? Bet!” Ash called out.

  Axe and I sat on the dark brown couch, his hand covering mine. He pulled me closer, until my head was resting on his chest. Axe kissed my forehead, not seeming to even care when Amberly started to take notice of his affection.

  The front door opened and closed, revealing a young man carrying three large pizzas. He was tall, around the same height as the boys. His bright blue eyes stood out against his light brown hair.

  I assumed that this was Drew. He placed the pizzas down on the granite island in the kitchen, leaning down to plant a quick kiss on Amberly’s lips.

  “C’mon baby, let’s go eat,” Axe whispered, dragging me up with him.

  Drew smiled at me as we approached. “I’m Drew, Amberly’s boyfriend.” He held out his hand, and I shook it. So, she didn’t live here alone.

  “Tatum,” I smiled back, leaving it at that because I didn’t want to call myself Axel’s girlfriend.